Cecilia was a ‘10’ on a scale of one to two. She had unmitigated primal passion. Her sexual appetite was unparalleled and horizontal. It was vertical and diagonal. When I suggested to Cecilia that we spend the Fourth of July in Hawaii, she responded by giving me a fireworks show in the bedroom that went on till daybreak.

After Cecilia made my night, I made travel plans. We would first go to Hanalei Bay on the North Shore of Kauai. Then to Maui – Kaanapali Beach and Hana.

As I was packing for the trip, the phone rang. It was Cecilia. She stammered and fumfered and did everything audibly possible without actually forming words.

“What’re you trying to tell me?” I asked repeatedly.

“I can’t go,” she finally said.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was it possible that the perennially sizzling Cecilia had gotten cold feet? Was it even fathomable that she decided to run back into the un-toned arms of her ne’er-do-well ex-fiancé?

“I met someone,” she said.

“You met someone? Last week you were engaged, last night you told me you love me, and today you met someone else?”

I can’t change lanes as quickly as Cecilia changes men. She was right out of the Simon and Garfunkel song.

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom
I got up to wash my face
When I come back to bed
Someone’s taken my place

Cecilia broke my heart, crushed my dreams and dashed my hopes. But I wasn’t going to let that ruin my trip to Hawaii – although paradise isn’t exactly the place you want to be asking for a table for one.

Alone in a bar in Hanalei Bay, I found myself talking to the umbrella in my Mai Tai. And after enough Mai Tais, the umbrella started talking back. That’s when I knew it was time to go back to the room and primal scream myself to sleep.

When I woke up with two mints and six cocktail umbrellas on the pillow next to me, I decided it was time to abandon the “itinerary for lovebirds.” I checked out early and flew to Maui, where I changed hotel reservations and stayed at the Pioneer Inn at Lahaina Harbor. All I wanted to do for the rest of the vacation was go fishing for marlin.

After checking in at the Inn, I went to the harbor to charter a fishing boat.

That’s when I saw her and fell in love. Her name was Melody. A real head turner. She had style and class.

Melody was a sailboat, and she could have any passenger she wanted.

I had images of being aboard Melody on the Fourth of July and watching the fireworks from the water. So I asked the owners if they planned to charter the boat that night. But it wasn’t in the stars.

Still, each day, I asked. And when I kept getting met with resistance, I changed tack and tried the emotional approach. I told them how I had been burned by Cecilia and needed a new companion, even if she had a hull. I wanted Melody, but all I got was empathy.

On the morning of the Fourth, I looked at Melody and thought about what could have been. That’s when the owners approached.

“Meet us here at seven. We’re taking the boat out.”

Along with a small group of their friends, we sailed into the sunset and drank wine and ate great food. And when darkness fell on the island, a magnificent display of color lit up the night sky.

It was my fondest memory of my trip to paradise.

I didn’t land a marlin…and I didn’t get the girl…but I did catch the fireworks from that beautiful sailboat off the coast of Maui. And, sometimes, one out of three ain’t bad.

Robert Keats is a screenwriter and humorist.

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